fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
