i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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