I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
