so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You can't just leave with hair like that
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
