please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
