UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
This baby is an asshole
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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