never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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