I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Your cock deserves a montage
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
