I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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