I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
