dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
im drinking this country out of the recession.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
