Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
