me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
the liver wants what the liver wants
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
