wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I will pee on everything he values.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
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