he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
When are your genitals available?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
