Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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