If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
