I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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