It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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