So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
