I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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