tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
