What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
