All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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