we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
