I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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