Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
