i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
