She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
