you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
