i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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