He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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