Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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