Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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