I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
