Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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