you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i think i have herpe
just one?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
