my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
