buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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