Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
