If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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