1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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