Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
