Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I wanna passion pit in your ass
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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