my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
