bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
