someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
