I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
you made out with another girl for some wings
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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