this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
