tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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