i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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