I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
