you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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