the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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