And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
