Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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