Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize