Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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