just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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