We won't sleep together?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
