that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
