i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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