Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
