i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
