Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
