It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
