New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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