I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
