Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize