My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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