I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
