puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
