I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
