The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
