you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
