u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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