I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
