I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize