im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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