I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
they need to just BURY HIM!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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