he was CRYING into my vagina
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
