i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
im six kinds of drunk right now
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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