Don't you send me to vm
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Randomize
