I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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