I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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