how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You ate ashes out of my bong
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
