your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
