I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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