I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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