not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
