She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
