They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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