Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
