Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
