do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
