Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
