Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
