its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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