I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
