On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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